How to Write a Condolence Letter

​The New Yorker’s Mallory Rice describes a much needed funeral director’s condolence letter writing workshop. Cunningham, the funeral director, outlines fades in writing condolence letters (who knew?!). Two examples are: the phrase “passed away” is out, “died” is in. And don’t say, “I know how you feel” or “This is God’s plan” (definitely good advice.)

She draws from literary condolences: Don’t be too chipper and don’t make it all about you (although the Queen of England gets a pass). 

And finally, she recognizes Emily Dickinson and Marcel Proust as the condolence letter superstars. Dickinson sent a sequence of condolence letters with flowers from her garden at difference stages of grief. Proust would be so sad, he would go on for pages and pages. Three cheers for them, though not so chipper cheers, please.

The main message is write just the letter. Isn’t that always the case!?

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